I remember being in relationships where I would genuinely care about the person but I knew that being with them was toxic. Don’t get me wrong, it would always start off well and then we’d end up bickering over something silly. I realized that I would hang on to my original idealized image of who they were and try to find all of the positive things about them while looking past the realities. When faced with the worst parts of their character, I would rationalize them away or try and live with them as best I could or a combination of both. Finally it would end with me staring at myself in the mirror and repeating the break up line until I could finally gather the strength to say it to their faces. I would still have feelings for this person despite the heartache that I would go through when dating them. When the dreaded time finally came, I would say the line, “I can’t do this anymore,” and immediately feel a wave of guilt when I saw how upset they would become. I would hear things like, “Please no, I promise I’ll change,” or “I’ll do anything. I just don’t want to lose you.” It was hard to stand my ground. I hate hurting people, but I would put up a wall and say “No.”
Once I left, I would find myself still thinking about them; just because I couldn’t be with them anymore did not mean I did not care about them. I would wonder how they were doing or see something at a store that would remind me of them. My heart felt heavy and the day would usually end with me curling up in a ball on my bed and staring at the wall with tears in my eyes.
Finally one day, I figured out the formula on how to get over someone the quickest way.
1. When you want to lay down in bed to cry, DON’T! Go outside and hike or take yourself to a comedy. Do everything that you normally enjoy doing, even if you don’t feel like it.
2. Block your ex. Block them off of your phone, your email, your social media sites. You need to take time for yourself and to separate yourself from this situation. Talking to your ex will just add more drama to your life and keep the open wound from healing.
3. Do a cleaning. Remove all images of them off of your phone and out of your house. First get a giant trash bag and fill it up with all of the items that your ex ever gave you. Throw it away. Then take white sage and burn it in your house. It helps eliminate negative energy.
4. Don’t cyber stalk your ex. I know it’s hard not to want to check your ex’s facebook or Instagram to see what they are doing. Although it feels like that is the thing to do in order to get over them, it’s not. It just reminds you of the pain that you are trying to get over. You cannot win: if your ex looks great and doing fine, you feel bad that they’re doing fine without you while you’re miserable. If your ex looks terrible and distraught, you feel worse for making them miserable too. Just don’t do it. Focus on something else.
5. Write down a list of all the qualities that you want in a man/woman. Don’t hold back and write down all of the details. Then read it to yourself every day and know that you just wrote down all of the qualities of your soul mate. Do you like sensitive? Do you like artistic? Do you like serious or funny? Emotionally what do you like in a woman/man? Physically what do you like in a man/woman? Remember that the reason why it didn’t work out, was because the person that you were dating was not your soulmate, which means that your soulmate is coming!
6. LOVE YOURSELF! Remember that you are an amazing person who has a lot to offer. Treat yourself the way that you want someone else to treat you and treat others the same way. Do you want to be respected? Then respect yourself and others. Do you want someone who is giving? Then be generous to yourself and to others. The energies that you put out are the energies that you will get back.
7. Meditate on good things and good things will come. Often times we get trapped in a negative mindset and tend to find ourselves trapped in an endless loop of sorrow. Cut the loop and raise your vibrations. (Negative=low vibrations: Positive=high vibrations)
8. Learn to enjoy your own company. It’s hard not to jump right back into another relationship once you get out of one. Being in bed alone can be a bit lonely at first. Just remember that staying single doesn’t mean that you can’t find someone to date, it means that you are waiting for the right one to date. When you get in a relationship it means that you will either spend the rest of your life with that person or you won’t. You can never be too picky. Be realistic but don’t settle.
9. Spend as much time with friends as possible. That is what friends are for! Lean on them when times are hard and enjoy the time that you have with them.
A break up is just an end to something that was never meant to be. Take this time for yourself. Love yourself. Being single can be an amazing experience if you allow it to be, and you never know, just when you stop looking, someone amazing will turn up.